Women's sexuality questions
“I don’t like giving oral sex; can I refuse my partner.” “I no longer feel any sexual desire. What should I do?” “Can I have clitoral and vaginal orgasms?” These are just some of the many questions you’ve asked us at Doctissimo. Our sexologist gives her answers.
1. My boyfriend often asks me to give him oral sex; and I don’t like it at all. I made the mistake of doing it once and now he considers it his right; I can’t really refuse as I’m his girlfriend. What can I do?
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You mustn’t be pressurised into any sexual activity. Your boyfriend clearly believes that you’ll come to love oral sex, just as much as he does. But he’s making a mistake and, in fact, you seem to be increasingly turned off. Unless he’s careful, your relationship will really suffer; and you could end up not wanting to have sex with him at all.
You seem reluctant to stand up to your boyfriend. It’s as if he has complete control over you and can make you do whatever he wants. A mutually satisfying sex life can only come through talking and sharing. Similar issues arise with anal sex, which some partners love and others loathe.
2. I’ve lost all interest in sex since the birth of our child; I’ve gone back to work and in the evening, I only want to do one thing: sleep. But my husband doesn’t understand … he wants to have sex again and says I no longer love him. What can I d
The arrival of a baby changes a couple’s relationship and some people find it very difficult to adapt. It’s not just the two lovers any more… Very often the mother is preoccupied by her new responsibilities and the baby’s needs. The pursuit of pleasure and a renewed sex life are the last things on her mind.
The father feels neglected. His partner is entirely devoted to the new baby. He sees her lack of sexual desire as a lack of love and affection. He suddenly feels neglected. And because he’s incapable of handling the situation sensitively, things get worse and the relationship becomes more acrimonious. Instead of wooing his patner and winning her over, he perhpas complains aggressively.
If they’re to overcome this impasse, the couple must establish a dialogue: the man needs to express his unhappiness simply and non-confrontationally; the woman needs to reassure him of her love. And if the situation really doesn’t improve, they should consider consulting a sexologist.
3. How long can a man survive without sex?
Just long as a woman… in other words, a long time. Some women worry that their partners can’t manage without sex. In fact, this isn’t true. Of course, men will feel very frustrated but they won’t get ill. What worries them most is the loss of intimacy, the fear that their partner no longer loves them, that they no longer have a special place in her heart. Sharing other non-sexual experiences will help the couple get through this difficult period.
4. I’m a little plump and I don’t like my body. My boyfriend says that he loves me as I am but I think he says that to make me happy. How can I make him understand that as long as I’m overweight I can’t enjoy a full sex life?
You’re very critical of your body, which I suspect, doesn’t conform to the cultural standards of beauty in our society. Your partner is not looking at you to see whether or not you fit this feminine ideal of beauty. He’s looking at you with love and with great pleasure. Why don’t you believe him when he tells you that he likes your body as it is? Why not try to come round to his point of view? And even if you are convinced that you body is not aesthetically pleasing, can’t you just relax about it during your lovemaking and enjoy the erotic sensations?
5. My boyfriend spends a lot of time on the Internet. He talks with women in chat rooms and also visits porn sites. He tells me that it’s normal and doesn’t affect our relationship. But I feel very unhappy about it. What can we do?
You feel unhappy about your partner having sexual experiences that exclude you. He doesn’t think they’re important; to him, they’re not real, they’re “virtual.” It’s important that you tell him that you’re unhappy. Why does he need this on-line life? Perhaps he doesn’t even know himself. Perhaps he’s looking for a sex life that he can’t have with you? Perhaps he finds it difficult to talk to you. The important thing is that you talk about it and that you come to some agreement on this subject, which is obviously upsetting you greatly.
6. We’ve been together for 15 years. We have sex regularly but I’m really bored. I’ve tried telling him that I’d like more tenderness and more kissing but he takes no notice. We’ve talked about it several times but it makes no difference. What shal
Your partner obviously finds it hard to change but you also seem rather passive! Why don’t you suggest new ways of doing things? If you’re tender and loving with him and he enjoys it then he may start to understand you better. You can take the initiative with new positions. It’s not always easy to change after so many years; consulting a sexologist may help you shake up your old routine and introduce some new moves!
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Copyright © 2010 Doctissimo
Posted 21.07.2010
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