Obsessed by sexual performance?
Do you feel that you have to be Superman in bed to please your partner? Has your obsession to perform in bed pushed aside real sexual and emotional intimacy with your partner?
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There are so many issues that have a bearing on our sexuality and affect our love lives. More and more conquests, more frequent sex, for longer, and better... it’s always got to be the best! Today, being the best doesn’t stop at work or in sport; it’s like a religion and has even slipped between our sheets!
Sexual performance: a goal or an illusion?
According to Doctor Sylvain Mimoun, a gynaecologist and andrologist, men possibly try to be at their most impressive in the sexual domain and it’s often a shame. Intimacy is changed in favour of sexual prowess. For some men, he continues, sexual problems come down to how often they have sex or how long they last; as well as how quickly they can get another erection.
In a society where everyone has to constantly excel, sexual performance becomes an end in itself. By striving to perform better in bed, men become more concerned with how they’re doing instead of letting themselves truly connect with their partner. Their main focus of attention turns to controlling their physical endurance.
Performance enhancing condoms
In this performance quest, Durex and Manix, two condom manufacturers, offer prolonged pleasure and longer-lasting sex with their respective products Performa and Endurance. The former contains a Benzocaine lubricant in its tip, which slightly desensitises the glans (Benzocaine is a local anaesthetic, particularly used in dental medicine).
With a lower intensity of feeling, climax is delayed. The latter is specifically shaped so that it is tight under the glans and so presses on the erectile nerve which blocks some of the information transmitted to the brain. This means ejaculation is delayed and the result is longer lasting sex.
These products developed by the latex manufacturers meet the demands of consumers’ fantasies: influenced by macho portrayals of “powerful sex”, they dream of becoming “sex warriors” as they appear in films; able to keep it ‘up’ and going for hours.
Fear of sexual disappointment
There’s been a certain relaxing of moral standards, which makes it possible and even fashionable to unveil to the public at large your sexual exploits. This makes many people feel afraid that they aren’t 'up to it', compared to others.
Doctor Mimoun points out that of course if the man is nervous or awkward and ejaculates too quickly, his partner could feel unsatisfied, as it takes longer for women to orgasm than men. So he must learn to fit in with his partner's rhythm and sometimes hold back his climax.
But condoms for “long-lasting sex”, like the fantasy of unlimited sex, only serve to make him think that he is “all-powerful” by assuring his partner of his insatiable desire and stamina.
Women’s role in performance obsession
Nowadays when women sleep with more than one man , they sometimes compare lovers. But relax guys; in general they don’t swap intimate details with each other about their lovemaking! They’re still too modest to blurt out your intimate secrets.
But some of them do talk about their satisfaction or their disappointment when they’ve had sex. As a result, they can judge their male conquests, as if they were consumers rather than lovers!
Woman have many sexual insecurities too, and are not always sure that they are sexy or sufficiently sex-savvy, and they may be frustrated by quick sex, even if it’s intense. Having said that, women more easily succumb to the romantic notion of love at first sight. In this case, concludes Doctor Mimoun, women look more for the emotions they can share with the other person, rather that an ‘outstanding’ sexual performance, so men need to take this into consideration.
A really great sexual performance is the passion that strikes up between two people. In reality, the rest really doesn’t matter that much!
Copyright © 2009 Doctissimo
Posted 14.09.2010
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