The intimacy of the first sexual relationship
Human sexuality is rather complex and digging up helpful intelligent information on this subject may sometimes prove difficult. If you want to retain good memories of your first time, some preparatory steps are necessary.
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Human sexuality is a complex subject and little concrete information is available on how to go about the act of love. So, it’s perfectly normal if you feel apprehensive before embarking on this mysterious adventure, in which you’ll need to reveal your intimacy and feel like you are leaving yourself completely open to someone else.
The apprehension is even greater as the first time is often perceived as an essential step towards happiness and a healthy future sexual life. So, if you need reassurance, you need a bit of preparation to make your physical and psychological circumstances favourable.
Feeling greatly attracted and attached to someone won’t stop pine needles from prickling your bum, rocks from digging into your back, the dashboard from hindering leg movement, and well, pleasure from being felt.
Similarly, hot sand, a star-studded sky or a comfortable bed in a quiet room won’t do much to make up for the egotism of heartbreakers whose only interest is to get their needs satisfied and move onto the next conquest, or for the precious princess who loves being caressed but lets her prince take care of everything on his own.
The sexual learning process
In matters of sexuality, many grown-ups have enduring memories of hand-in-hand strolls, of endlessly repeated caresses, of tender and flirtatious confidences. Developing a taste for enjoying sensuality step by step, for nourishing and enriching it gradually, is essential. Only then can sexual intercourse be the result of a personal quest rather than a purely physical achievement or a disappointing thing performed with the sole purpose of imitating what everyone else does.
Being aware of one’s own capacities isn’t indispensable but can helps build self-confidence. For many people, masturbation provides an opportunity to become conscious of their own bodies and gives the first sensations of sexual pleasure. So if you have gotten to know your sexual self a little better through masturbation, it’s nothing to feel bad about, but actually quite a normal process of self-discovery.
On the road to discovering sexuality
The first sexual experience is an excursion into the unknown, and you can never be sure what will happen. It can be great, average or, in some cases, awful. It’s not uncommon for boys and girls alike to be disappointed by not feeling a greater, or even an equal, amount of pleasure as that which they got from masturbating, or expecting from watching sex on TV. In the world of real sexual relationships, it takes time to adjust to the other person and make the best use of the new possibilities offered by bringing these two bodies into contact.
You shouldn’t be concerned about these initial difficulties, as it may take you a little time and patience to get to know each other intimately and hone your sexual skills. However underwhelming it may be, the first sexual experience is an essential step as it opens up new horizons into the adult sexual adventure, and as long as you go into it with a certain maturity and realistic expectations, it will only get better as you go along.
Practical tips for your first time
- Don’t rush anything: caressing your partner and discovering his or her body make for a good start and shared sexual arousal, which may be enough for now.
- Choose your time and place together: speak openly and simply about contraception, risks of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and the importance of wearing a condom.
- For the man, arousal is sometimes so intense that ejaculation rapidly occurs, sometimes before even penetrating his partner. This is normal for first time sexual encounters, so if this happens, he could take a little extra time so that the girl also gets some enjoyment.
- A point of concern for all young women and their first time, is her hymen, the membrane that partially covers the external vaginal opening: is it already broken from using tampons or practising sport? Or will it break and cause a little pain and bleeding? Each body is different, and there is certainly a risk that your first time will result in some pain as the penis enters your vagina. The only thing to do is relax and keep talking to your partner so that it happens gradually and gently for the first few times.
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Copyright © 2009 Doctissimo
Posted 03.01.2011
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