Post pregnancy sex
When can you start having sex again post pregnancy? In the past, there was no shortage of religious or medical guidance, telling you that you should or shouldn’t have sex within a certain number of weeks or months. Nowadays, it’s left up to each couple to decide.
© Thinkstock
That being said, in the days and weeks following the birth, the baby is the focus of the mother’s attention. Her partner is still important to her but more as a father figure than a lover.
There’s no rush for sex…
A couple shouldn’t feel that they have to have sex; just spending time together and having fun can be a very erotic experience. A man (or a woman for that matter) can live without having sex; it won’t make him ill, although he may feel rather frustrated. Some men deal with this frustration better than others.
If you feel frustrated, masturbation can be a good way of relieving sexual tension, until you’re both ready to have sex again. A couple can also take time to share tender moments, massaging and stroking each other; it doesn’t have to end in sex, the way it used to, before the baby was born. This physical contact will bring the couple closer together, making it more likely that the woman will want to have sex again when she is physically and mentally ready.
You can have sex as soon as you are both ready
- An episiotomy heals in around 5 days but care is recommended for a further 10-15 days. After this, everything should be back to normal.
- Don’t forget contraception; it is possible to become pregnant before your periods start again. The woman may be less fertile if she is breastfeeding but pregnancy is still possible.
- If a woman is breastfeeding, she may leak a small amount of milk when she is sexually aroused or reaches orgasm. This can be avoided by breastfeeding before intercourse;
- Lack of vaginal lubrication may be a problem for a breastfeeding mother, or she may take longer to become lubricated. If this is the case, she can use a lubricant to prevent irritation and pain.
- Even if the vagina is still stretched after the birth, it will quickly return to normal. Performing pelvic floor exercises will help tighten up the muscles around the vagina.
What the statistics say
- In 50% of cases, couples resume sexual relations at the man’s insistence;
- 20% of couples have sexual intercourse one month after the birth;
- The majority of couples have sexual intercourse seven weeks after the birth.
Possible reasons for not having sexual intercourse after pregnancy
- Tiredness is an important factor. She will have no interest in sex if her basic needs are not being met. If she’s exhausted, then she’s more likely to want sleep than sex. And if she’s awake during the night with the baby, and there’s no one to help at home, she will feel even more tired and even less inclined to have sex.
- Perineal pain, often associated with the healing of the episiotomy (if she had one). The woman may want to examine the perineum herself just to check that it doesn’t hurt. If it’s still painful, she should consult a doctor. Some positions put less pressure on this area: for example, when the woman is on top; or the man and woman are side by side.
- Anxiety about waking up the baby, particularly if he’s in the same room, can spell the beginning of the end for renewed sexual activity.
- Lifestyle changes in social and family status especially if it’s the first child. This is a significant change and can be unnerving for both partners. They’ve gone from being lovers to parents. How will this new family, and new relationship, affect their sex life?
- Weight gain is very common following a pregnancy. Sometimes her new body repels the woman. She doesn’t feel desirable and so denies herself sexual pleasure. In this case, she needs to follow a healthy diet to help her lose those extra pounds. But there’s no need to abstain from sex until you’ve lost the weight. After all, sex isn’t just for the thin and beautiful!
If problems persist, it could be that they were already there before the birth. If this is the case, and if they feel it necessary, the couple should consult a sex therapist.
But, don’t worry; it’s very unusual for sexual problems to suddenly start after pregnancy. Take time to rediscover your body and your desire. But don’t allow taboos to creep in; always keep talking to your partner about your concerns.
Posted 08.09.2010
Get more on this subject…
